Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
