just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
