So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
