sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
