Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
