dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
