You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
