The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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