So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
