Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
