dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
