I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
