i don't plan on having that self control this summer
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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