I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
