It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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