Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
