Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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