Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
