the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize