I think I died a long time ago.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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