i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
