Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
