Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
