I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
