He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
