Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
