What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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