you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
