I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize