i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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