Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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