Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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