i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
