There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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