I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
