We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
