I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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