She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
