Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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