shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
