You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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