I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
