just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
