everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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