I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
