do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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