So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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