i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
