mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
