I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
