I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
