I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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