Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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