I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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