Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
