Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize