A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
