So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
