Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
