I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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