Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
