My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
